My life, my joy....

I have always known that my life's ambition was to be a mother. I just never imagined how trying and painstaking motherhood could actually be. Shortly after Wyatt was born I was so ready to have another baby. Wyatt was somewhat of a colicky baby, but I knew that most of it was due to the fact that I was so ill after he was born and had to undergo several surgeries, so because of all the anesthetic in my system my breast milk made him very belly achy, and barfy. So I was unable to nurse him longer than 5 months, but I was still so happy that I had provided him as long as I could. Wyatt has always been my little mama's boy. He rarely lets me out of his site, and loves to just follow and chatter as he goes. I feel like he has always been very advanced for his age, maybe I'm a little bias, maybe not, but for sure he is one smart little kid. He was such a sweet and lovey little baby, always a cuddler. Which has always suited me just fine! So after having such a sweet little boy, who wouldn't crave another so quickly after?!

So when Wyatt was just a mere 13 months old we were ecstatic to find out we were expecting once again. Never would I expect the whorl wind that came next. Not only did I have all day sickness but along with it came a MOUNTAIN of kidney stones. After having surgery to remove some extremely large ones when I was only barley 12 weeks pregnant the doctor prepared us for the worst in telling us that because of the surgery we would probably loose the baby. So two days after the surgery I prepared myself for the worst, and during the ultrasound I experienced one of the great miracles in my lifetime. He bumped right up against the ultrasound wand thingy and both the ultrasound tech and I saw it on my belly! See I couldn't bare for Ryan to come in case it was bad news, and when we saw and I felt that, I knew me and this baby could handle anything the rest of this pregnancy decided to throw our way! Then just after that realization the picture came on the screen, and I saw that it was the second little boy that I had been dreaming of! Unfortunately Ryan wasn't there to witness that, but I thought for sure there would be no way they'd be able to tell that early, but there it was in all it's glory! Ryan was a little disappointed, but got over it quick when it set in that he was going to have another little boy! The next few months were a whirlwind of lots of puking, IV fluids, UTIs, kidney infections, and more kidney stones. Then at my sixth month mark the contractions started coming hard and fast. We were really scared one night that we might have a 28 week baby. We prepared ourselves, but the doctors were able to work their magic and stop the labor. The next 10 weeks I spent pretty much in the hospital or in bed. My meds consisted mostly of contraction stopping meds and anti-nausea meds. Then at just one day shy of being 38 weeks my water broke at home, when I was alone at 12:30am. Ryan was working midnights then. So I called my in laws had them come pick up Wyatt and drove myself to the hospital. And surprisingly I was totally calm and excited that whole time! I was going to have a baby that night! I got all settled in, and a little over an hour Ryan was there. The labor lasted only 6 hours total from the time my water broke until I was holding my sweet new boy in my arms.

Then the hard part came. We got him home and all settled, and he wanted NOTHING to do with me! He cried non stop! The only time he wanted to be held by me was to breastfeed. I suppose it should have been a precursor during pregnancy that I should have picked up on the fact that he was one independent little sucker in the womb, but I guess I missed that part. The next few months were very difficult and hard for me. He didn't need me. How could I have Wyatt, who needed me so much, to this? He had always been going a thousand miles an hour so I guess it was a good thing at the same time too. He was rolling by 3 months, crawling at 4, and then walking by the time he was 7 1/2 months. He has always shown me how independent he is, and I think that was something I needed to learn as well. See I am somewhat of a control freak, and I think this was Heavenly Father's way of telling me, look Nanci, it's ok to let go a little and let kids be kids, you don't always have to do everything! So Garrett has taught me great patients.

In the end I guess it was all worth it. Now he is happy as a clam almost always. Still stubborn and independent, but softer and sweeter. I simply cherish the moments like tonight when he climbs up on my lap, wraps his arms around my neck, kisses both my cheeks, and says "wuv ooo mommy". And then much to my surprise leans down and kisses my belly, and smiling up at me says "baby". How much this past almost two years have taught me. Even though I'm sick, tired, and crabby, I am ready to live this next adventure. A new life, spirit, and personality to learn about, love, cherish, and relish in the sweet tender moments. Thank you Garrett for teaching me to be a better more patients mother, and for letting me be your mom! I sure love you!


Rosa said...

That is crazy how much you have to go through with pregnancy--it is amazing what we as mom's will do to give life. My story was a little oppisite though. Alivia was my very independent child who did not need me. In a sense it bothered me but I realized how spoiled I was. Now I have Austin and I can't leave the room for more than 2 minutes with out him freaking out. Sometimes it drives me crazy but then I think about how fast Alivia has grown and I try to take it all in and just hold him and enjoy him. Good luck this time around. If you need help -- I am home most the time and live right by the hospital!!!

the longmores said...

I loved your post. It was so sweet. Little boys are the best!